Today is Friday and I am feeling empty. Just a few days ago I was hopefully optimistic that I had two beautiful babies on board. Now I know there is nothing. I started my period today which just seems to scream “failure”. I picture a big red “F” on my IVF midterm paper. I was still clinging to that tiny shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, the test results were wrong, or I was a late implanter. Nope, just myself and my empty womb.
I haven’t had to take an injection or a pill for three days and I find myself missing the process. Had I been pregnant the PIO shots would have continued for another 8 weeks. I wish I still had that daily pain. Any pain would be better than the pain of this emptiness.
My family and friends have been amazing. I don’t think I could have gotten through this without their love and support. Each day seems to get a little better (wine helps too), but I think it will hurt for a long time. I try to stay busy to keep my mind off of it and I am trying to be as proactive about the next cycle as possible.
I will begin my birth control pills again this weekend, and we will see the doctor on November 4th. We are leaning toward another fresh cycle because I don’t think I could handle the hopes of a frozen transfer and then our little ice baby not making it through the thaw. I am praying that a fresh cycle will bring us a higher quantity and quality. I need some fighting eggs!
While we wait for our next appointment and schedule, I am going to do what I can to improve the quality of my eggs. I am already taking prenatal vitamins, vitamin b complex and CoQ10. I am going to try to work fertility friendly foods into my diet as well. Nuts, seeds, eggs, avocados, leafy greens, etc. I have also decided to give acupuncture a go! My first appointment is next Tuesday and I am really looking forward to it. I figure if it doesn’t help my fertility it should at least help me relax, right?
I hope once Aunt Flo exits the building I can stop this pity party and start thinking positive for our next try. We can do this!
One thought on “Friday Feelings…..Empty”
You can do this! We all have to have that hope! Just gotta hope the next one will be the one!! Good luck x