IVF Cycle 1 = BFN

The 2WW is officially over for us. We had our beta yesterday and it came back negative. And just like that we are not pregnant. Two months of hope, needles, procedures and a heck of a lot of money all down the drain. I will admit, I didn’t have a positive feeling going into my blood draw yesterday. I had spent the majority of the past 9 days wishing, hoping and praying for symptoms but I had none. No implantation cramping or bleeding, no nausea, and my boobs felts just fine. I had a headache one day and was exhausted but I chalked that up to the progesterone shots. I just didn’t feel pregnant and in my gut I felt that it did not work. I’ll call it “not yet a mothers intuition”. But that didn’t make the news hurt any less.

Our nurse called me with the results late in the afternoon (talk about an agonizing wait). They were looking for HCG levels of at least 100. Mine were at 2. No babies for us. We were devastated. How could this not work for us? Everything seemed to have gone so well. I guess our eggs could have been a higher quality, but I’ve come across women on forums with much lower quality eggs and they still stuck! The one thing I had worried about, my lining, was beautiful! So what happened to make my two embryos not stick?? I am hoping we will find out more answers at our follow-up appointment on November 4th. I have a lot of questions to ask and will hopefully get some answers.

The one thing we do know is that we aren’t ready to give up. It takes a lot of women multiple cycles to get pregnant, and I am willing to keep trying until I get my take home baby. I hope to start right away, as I am already so enveloped in the process it would be difficult to get used to normalcy and then have to jump right back in.

This next cycle I plan to do whatever it takes to make this baby stick. I am going to consult the ever-so-trusty Google (which is always advised again but makes me feel proactive) in search of ways to improve egg quality and IVF success rates. I have read about the avocado diet, which sounds delicious. Eating pineapple to support implantation (it can’t hurt!). I am going to work in more fruits and vegetables into my diet and take every vitamin under the sun. More importantly, I am going to try to stay positive during the 2WW.

To every woman who has gone through this process and gotten that BFN, I feel for you. But we can’t give up. It is our God-given right to be mothers and if anything, this journey just makes us stronger.

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