Trying to Conceive

Why Now?

A question I have been asked a couple of times lately is “Why now?”. Why did I chose to begin blogging at this point in my life? Why one year into my journey, why not last month, or the month before? Why blogging and not some other outlet? After thinking about it, here are my three main reasons for beginning this blog:

  1. I have always wanted to start my own blog. I have blogged for a few companies over the past 5 years, and really enjoyed it, but I never got around to starting my own. Topics that crossed my mind were fashion, job hunting, and wedding planning….but none of those seemed substantial enough to devote my time to when I had so many other things going on in my life. My infertility struggle is something I want to share with others, I want to help create awareness about the condition and help people like me. This cause IS important enough for me to devote time and effort to.
  2. Writing as a therapy was recommended to me by my counselor. Since we began TTC, I have suffered from pretty severe anxiety and panic attacks (more detail about this another time). I have always been an anxious person and a control freak, which is not a good combination. I am so used to being able to control things in my life and work toward the outcome I want. With TTC that’s not the case, no matter what I do or how hard we try, we can’t seem to get it right and it is so frustrating. Not knowing what the future holds is a scary thing. I often think “what if we go through all of this and still don’t end up with a baby?”. Writing down my fears and feelings seems to make them more tangible and helps me to cope. Once I write them down, I try to let them go and put things into God’s (of my fertility specialist’s) hands. I am really trying to focus on living in the moment and appreciating the things I DO have, rather then what I do not have. This blog really seems to help!
  3. This last one is hard to admit…I wanted to wait until I had hit the one year mark. Having been very involved in several different TTC apps and forums, I became more aware of just how long some of these women had been trying. Two, three, five or more years! It made my eight month struggle seem miniscule in comparison. I felt like I was complaining for not having fallen pregnant in less than a year when there were so many women out there struggling for so much longer! I did not want them to look at me like I was crazy, or for more people to tell me “relax, it will happen”.

**Side note: telling a woman who is trying to have a baby to RELAX, and not to worry. That it will “happen when you stop trying” is one of the WORST things you can say. I mean, have a little sympathy. Relaxing is not going to help me get pregnant, and you telling me to relax is only going to stress me out more. And stop trying….I’m pretty sure we actually need to have sex to conceive, so that isn’t going to work either. So just keep your comments to yourself and offer support or advice only WHEN ASKED. End rant.**

Here is something I have learned over the past 13 months, no matter how short or long your journey to pregnancy is, everyone’s struggle to conceive is different. And every month you are left looking at a negative pregnancy test hurts, it doesn’t matter if you have been trying for two months or 27 months, it is always going to be one of the worst feelings ever. I’ll admit, the light at the end of the tunnel seems to grow more faint as the months pass, but I feel for all women who have been trying to conceive and not yet been successful. And for those of you who did happen to conceive on the first try, please consider yourself blessed to have never gone through the pain and heartache that the rest of us experience month after month. And please don’t tell us that you are a fertile myrtle. It doesn’t help.

So those are the three main reasons I started this blog. I look forward to keeping everyone informed on my treatments, and my life!

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